Old Habits

I just finished changing the bed sheets and am reminded again how hard it is to break old habits.  I was always very careful when making our bed to make sure that badly fitting sheets were properly pulled into place on David’s side of the bed and that there was enough quilt on his side. He was a restless sleeper and I knew he would end up destroying the bed if I didn’t make sure everything was tucked down.It doesn’t matter now but I still make the bed that way and I still sleep on the other side. I can’t bring myself to lie in the middle of the bed. Of course that is partly because I would not be able to read the clock face or reach my glasses from there.

Last week I moved all my doll and craft books to a shelf in the middle of the bookcase. David found it hard to bend to reach the lower shelves and was too heavy to use our stepladder so all his books were on the middle shelves and mine were at the bottom or right at the top. It’s taken me a year to realise it’s OK to move them now.

The there are still half a dozen rolls of film in my freezer which I can’t yet bring myself to throw out. I don’t need them but I hate wasting them.

I rarely sit in the armchair that he used most often. The one that I placed in front of the disused fireplace because the force of him sitting down always made chairs slide backwards and the brick hearth prevented that from happening. Cindy has no qualms though and she often sleeps in it.

I still find myself saying “we” when I mean “I”.

I suppose these things will change eventually. I’ve bought a new bed, a single, but haven’t started using it yet because I want to paint the bedroom first and I should probably take the films to the Op Shop. I’m moving on but slowly.