Daily Prompt: Witness Protection


image figure on bridge
The old bridge at Ross c1999

All By Myself

If I have to do something stressful I usually prefer to do it alone. When I’m nervous and my stomach is tying itself in knots and I feel sick inside I need to be by myself. Hubby is very supportive but I don’t want to talk to him at those times.  I don’t want to be touched when I’m trying to get my fear under control. I just need to deal with what’s going on in my head so I go into my shell.

If I have to stand up and speak in public I wouldn’t find it comforting to see familiar faces in the front row. I would rather they were further back where I couldn’t see them or I would just worry more about falling over my words or tripping over my feet.

If I am sick I don’t really like people to see me. I’ve never been in hospital to stay (touch wood) but I think that if I had to go I would not want a lot of visitors. I’m not even sure if I would want Hubby or my sister to see me in hospital. I would not really want friends to come and certainly not acquaintances.  I don’t know this for sure but that is how I think I would feel. I’m very fearful about the idea of being in hospital and I feel that I would be able to cope better if people I know didn’t see me. So any friends that might be reading this post please take note, just send a card. I’ll let you know when I feel ready for visitors.

Why am I like this?  I don’t know, I ‘ve always felt this way. Maybe I don’t want the people who are important to me to see me when I’m less than my best. I feel more in control of a situation if I know that I have to deal with it because nobody else will.  On the other hand perhaps it’s easier to run away and hide from something scary if nobody is watching.

 

Taswegian1957

I was born in England in 1957 and lived there until our family came to Australia in 1966. I grew up in Adelaide, South Australia, where I met and married my husband David. We came together over a mutual love of trains. Both of us worked for the railways for many years, his job was with Australian National Railways, while I spent 12 years working for the STA, later TransAdelaide the Adelaide city transit system. After leaving that job I worked in hospitality until 2008. We moved to Tasmania in 2002 to live in the beautiful Huon Valley. In 2015 David became ill and passed away in October of that year. I currently co-write two blogs on WordPress.com with my sister Naomi. Our doll blog "Dolls, Dolls, Dolls", and "Our Other Blog" which is about everything else but with a focus on photographs and places in Tasmania. In November 2019 I began a new life in the house that Naomi and I intend to make our retirement home at Sisters Beach in Tasmania's northwest. My current housemates are Cindy, my 14-year-old Staffy-Lab X dog and Polly the world's most unsociable cat who is seven.

One comment

  1. Thank you for sharing those inner feelings. My Mom was just like you…. so private. If she was sick and we offered help she would say, “Leave me alone.” It hurt our feelings then when we were kids, but I understand it now. It is a reaction to fear, but I still think when you really really need comfort, you will reach out to the people who love you.

    Like

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