All By Myself

If I have to do something stressful I usually prefer to do it alone. When I’m nervous and my stomach is tying itself in knots and I feel sick inside I need to be by myself. Hubby is very supportive but I don’t want to talk to him at those times.  I don’t want to be touched when I’m trying to get my fear under control. I just need to deal with what’s going on in my head so I go into my shell.

If I have to stand up and speak in public I wouldn’t find it comforting to see familiar faces in the front row. I would rather they were further back where I couldn’t see them or I would just worry more about falling over my words or tripping over my feet.

If I am sick I don’t really like people to see me. I’ve never been in hospital to stay (touch wood) but I think that if I had to go I would not want a lot of visitors. I’m not even sure if I would want Hubby or my sister to see me in hospital. I would not really want friends to come and certainly not acquaintances.  I don’t know this for sure but that is how I think I would feel. I’m very fearful about the idea of being in hospital and I feel that I would be able to cope better if people I know didn’t see me. So any friends that might be reading this post please take note, just send a card. I’ll let you know when I feel ready for visitors.

Why am I like this?  I don’t know, I ‘ve always felt this way. Maybe I don’t want the people who are important to me to see me when I’m less than my best. I feel more in control of a situation if I know that I have to deal with it because nobody else will.  On the other hand perhaps it’s easier to run away and hide from something scary if nobody is watching.